so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize