Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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