If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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