tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
