there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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