Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
