saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
