I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
