is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
