can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
