Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize