party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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