I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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