Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just cropdusted the office
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
