i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
