I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
