i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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