I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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