I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
