Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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