mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
