I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
