shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
