Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
