I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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