Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
