wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
