Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
