Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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