I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
