i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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