Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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