You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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