I'm gonna have a badass scar
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Who died my cat blue again?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
