you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
