why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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