Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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