i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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