Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
