tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
