Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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