No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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