Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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