She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize