she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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