He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize