..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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