Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
