I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
