oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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