This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
