I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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