Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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