My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
