I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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