I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize