i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
