Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize