I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
