My nipple is on Facebook.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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