I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
