Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize