I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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