True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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