a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
do nipples grow back?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
