is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
