I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
