Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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