So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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