I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
