he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
