So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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