The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
