omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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