I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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