i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize