I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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