So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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