she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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