Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize