If i come over, it means nothing
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
