One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
