This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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