My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
