well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
