dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
