She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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